The Trouble with Kisses
by Fleur Despois
Summary: "All was Scorpius' fault."


Hi everyone!

So, here's my first attemptat writing a story in English. As English isn't my native language, I hope you'll be indulgent. I know there are probably mistakes, and of course, you are very welcome to (kindly) point them to me so I can fix and improve.

Anyway, I hope you'll enjoy it and by advance, thanks for reading !

Fleur

* * *

 **The Trouble with Kisses**

It was early in the morning when Rose woke up. She needed some time to remember she wasn't in the dormitory of the Gryffindor Tower but in her room, at her parents' house. It was Christmas break and she was home.

The girl stretched out, her mind still half asleep and switched the light on. Then she attended mechanically her morning routine —pulling her dressing gown on, her slippers, arranging her hair and checking on her wand before getting up. She sneaked out of her room, trying not to wake her brother or her parents.

But arriving on the landing, Rose smelt an odour of tea and grilled toasts. She deduced her mother was up. She was an early bird, even when she was on leave. The girl went downstairs and headed towards the kitchen.

Her mother was pouring herself a cup of tea, wrapped in both her dressing gown and a woollen shawl. Her tousle brown hair looked like the nest of some giant kind of bird. But despite the early hour, her eyes were sharp. With a silent and gracious move of her wand, she made a jar of orange marmalade fly away from its shelf and land on the table, next to the steaming teapot and a plate of toasts.

Rose walked in the room.

"'Morning, Mama."

Her mother turned to her and gave her a soft smile.

"Good morning, Rose."

The girl hugged her mother. She had missed it in Hogwarts, she realised, though she would never have admitted it aloud. Hermione pressed a kiss to her cheek.

"I hope I didn't wake you up. Did you sleep well?" she asked.

Rose nodded.

"I did. It's good to be home."

Her mother smiled warmly.

Rose turned to the stove to prepare her breakfast. She took a frying pan and broke two eggs in it before turning on the gas.

"Tea?" her mother asked.

"Yes, please."

Rose tossed sausages in the pan. Its content soon began to sizzle. A moment later, the girl sat down to table, in front of her mother who was looking pensively through the window. Night was still there, but the full moon brought enough light to see some snowflakes dancing and swirling above the messy garden.

Rose began to eat with appetite. Her eggs were cooked just like she liked and she accompanied them with toasts and orange marmalade that came from her grand-mother. She recognised the flavour. Her mother stared at her, sipping her tea. The girl swallowed and looked at her with curiosity.

"What is it?" she asked.

"You seemed worried yesterday." her mother answered. "Is everything all right?"

Rose fidgeted, blushing. She remembered far too well why she was so upset the day before, at the train station. She had been quite disagreeable with her family, although they had nothing to be reproached for. All the way to the house, she had stayed silent and sullen, answering questions by monosyllables and letting Hugo talking endlessly.

All was Scorpius' fault.

"Yes. Quite all right." she said.

She wasn't a good liar and her mother knew her way too much to be fooled. Hermione rose her eyebrows, clearly sceptic.

"Well... No." Rose admitted. "But it's not very important."

"I guess it is to you."

Yes, it was. But Rose wasn't sure she wanted to share it, even with her mother. She felt so ridiculous and confused about the all matter... Yet if someone could give her some valid advice, it was her. The girl hesitated. Hermione waited patiently, sipping her tea, as if it was perfectly fine to see her daughter struggling with embarrassment at some ungodly hour. Rose wondered whether her mother had ever been confronted to a similar situation. It was _so_ awkward. All that trouble for... for _what_ by the way?

"In fact..."

The girl stopped, not knowing how to go on. Her feelings were all muddling up.

"Honey, if you don't want to talk about it, it's fine. I'm not going to harass you. But you seemed bothered and angry and I'm sure you had good reasons to be. Maybe I can help?"

Her expression was encouraging and her eyes were kindly as usual. It decided Rose, though she still had no idea how to broach the subject. But... Her mother would never laugh at her, wouldn't she?

"I... I don't know how..."

She looked away, going as red as a beetroot. Maybe she should try another way.

"How did you feel, the first time you and dad kissed?" she asked in a rush.

A silence followed her question. Rose dared a glance at her mother. She wasn't laughing at all. She wasn't even smiling. She just seemed thoughtful.

Rose knew the story. Though her father was quite a traditionalist about boys and girls relationships, he loved to tell how it was her wife who kissed him first in the middle of an apocalypse. He said it was romantic.

But it wasn't what Rose wanted to hear.

"Well... It's a good question." her mother said. "To be honest, I don't know."

She looked at her.

"I was confused, I think." she continued. "I was worried to death before and I was worried to death after, but… But it happened. And I didn't really have time to think about it because I was persuaded we were all going to die."

"You weren't happy?" asked Rose.

"Somehow I was. But... well... I think there were too many things happening at the same time. I didn't know what I was doing and the circumstances weren't the best to really appreciate it."

Rose nodded. She felt a little relieved though she wasn't sure whether it was because her mother answered her question without judging she was ridiculous, or because her experience was more similar to hers she had thought. It was probably both.

"How did you know he was the good one?" she insisted.

Her mother shot her an indulgent look.

"Oh, Rose..." She shake her head. "You _never_ know. That's why it's so hard sometimes."

 _That_ wasn't very comforting however. The girl lowered her eyes on her forgotten plate. Despite her mother's words, she was quite as much in the dark as she was the previous day.

"What's wrong, Rose?" her mother asked.

The girl bit her lip.

"Well… There...There is a boy..."

Her mother poured herself some more tea. Rose gazed at her face, anxious to see any change in her expression.

"We… We are friends. Or… I think so. He's very smart and… well… sometimes he… he seems haughty but he isn't. He just… has trouble to trust other people because people usually distrust his family."

Hermione nodded. Something harsh flashed in her eyes, her usual reaction to injustice when she couldn't write a law to stop it. However she didn't seem surprised: it was probably not the first time she heard of such tensions since the war.

Well… Maybe she wouldn't be so indignant if she knew _who_ they were talking about.

"I… I like him." Rose admitted. "But there's nothing more." She added hastily. "He never said or did anything to prove he had different feelings for me and I… I tried to imagine once or twice what it would be if we were a… a couple. But nothing more."

She didn't know why she felt this urge need to justify herself. It wasn't as if she wasn't telling the pure truth. Her mother tilted her head, a mysterious smile on her lips. Rose blushed.

"Then what changed?" Hermione asked gently.

The question made Rose blush even more.

"Yesterday in the train we… we were arguing and he… he kissed me." she whispered. "And I don't know why! I'm sure he did this to silence me but it doesn't make any sense! You don't kiss people to silence them!"

Rose looked at her mother with distress. The all thing confused her but she was angry too. _Very_ angry. Against Sorpius, against herself. All was well before. Things were clear. Scorpius was Albus' friend, she was Albus' cousin, they _had_ to make it work. And somehow they succeeded. It went with a lot of bickering and arguments but they did. When they paired in potion or arithmancy classes, they were _brilliant_. She had said the truth: she truly liked him. And he could be charming when he wanted. So yes, she had wondered what it would be if things went further. But none of her fantasies had ever questioned the _status quo_. Scorpius hadn't had the same scruples.

Now she felt lost. And she hated that.

"I suppose he didn't explain himself." her mother assumed. "You wouldn't be so upset if he had."

The girl sighed.

"He fled away." And she resented him for that too. A little courage never did any harm, Slytherin or not.

Her mother crossed her arms.

"I'm afraid it's quite obvious, honey." she said.

Rose frowned. "What do you mean?"

Hermione stood up and went to the sink to drop her cup off.

"See, your reaction can only mean one thing." she warned. "And I think you know it deep down."

She turned to Rose with a commiserative look. The girl took a second to understand what she was implying. Then she opened her eyes wide.

"But… But I'm not..."

Her mother bowed an eyebrow.

"You're an intelligent girl, Rose. You know it's not the point here. The _good_ question now is: what are you afraid of?"

Rose averted her eyes. She should have known. Her mother could read in her mind as easily as in her books. And she was always right. Well… Maybe not _always_ , but her reasoning was unavoidable. In this case…

The girl sighed. It wasn't fair. Why had it to be _so_ complicated? She could have lived with a friendship, even an ambiguous one, if things had to go that far. But admitting she had… _feelings_ for Scorpius…

"I don't want to be heartbroken." she whispered.

Her mother sighed. "It's natural. Yet sometimes… it's worth it."

"How would you know?" Rose asked bitterly.

Hermione shot her a sharp look.

"Once upon a time I was young too, honey. At your age, I was looking at your father making out with a silly girl I shared a dormitory with. I know what it feels to be heartbroken." she said with patience. "But a broken heart doesn't mean you'll never be happy."

Avoiding the picture of his father making out with anyone, Rose meditated those words. Truth was she was terrified of rejection but the idea of starting anything with Scorpius was terrifying too. There would be so many _complications_. Furthermore she had a boyfriend the previous year and she hadn't struggled like that with her feelings. Wasn't that a sign it wasn't a good idea?

"And... and if he's not for me? If I'm mistaken..."

Her mother frowned.

"Rose… you're not taking a decision that commits you for your whole life. Nothing's set and even less in love. You have the right to be mistaken."

The girl put her head in her hands.

"But you and dad…"

"… are very happy together but it happened we had other boyfriends or girlfriends before. And it's just fine."

A heavy silence fell on the room. Rose wondered why she had accepted to talk about this in the first place. It was a disaster. She was still lost and now she felt despair too.

She heard her mother moving by the rustle of her clothes. A moment later she stopped by Rose's chair and embraced her shoulders, holding her tight against her. The girl instantly felt warm and safe, even if it was very little comfort.

"You want to hear me? I think you're in love with this boy and according to his reaction, I'd say he is in love with you too. And you're afraid because you feel like you could have a serious relation with him, with all it implies. And it's fine. There's no shame in being afraid. Just take the time to be honest with yourself. Also..." Her mother paused. Her fingers gently brushed Rose's cheek and made her look at her in the eyes. "Stop comparing yourself to your father and I." she added softly. "There's no magical formula to be happy in life or in love. You'll find your own way. You just have to trust yourself. Everything will be all right, honey, I promise."

"What makes you so sure?" Rose asked with incredulity.

Her mother seemed confident but the girl wasn't at all. Hermione smiled and pressed a kiss to the front of Rose.

"You're my daughter." she replied, putting a ginger curl back behind her ear. "If you can't be happy, I'll go myself give Destiny a kick up the backside."

A spark of humour and tenderness flashed in her hazel eyes. Rose couldn't help but smile. She hugged her mother back.

"Everything will be all right." she repeated.

Hermione kissed her on the front before stepping back and moving to a cupboard to get a mug and a bowl out.

"Hello, ladies!" a voice greeted.

Rose's father entered the kitchen, his eyes half asleep, his ginger hair dishevelled. He yawned.

"It's early." he noticed. "What were you doing?"

"Girls' talk." Hermione answered with a wink to her daughter. "Good morning, love."

" _You're a brave girl, Rose, you can do it."_ The girl took a deep breath. She wasn't _afraid_ of facing Scorpius. She _wasn't afraid_. Maybe she would end up convincing herself if she repeated it long enough.

The train station was crowded. There were people everywhere on the platform, crushing like waves on the gleaming figure of the Hogwarts Express. From time to time, the engine released a steam jet with a whistling. People were talking loud, trying to cover the surrounding noise. Children threaded their way through the crowd. Trunks, bags and cages were piled up here and there.

Rose was waiting with her parents, her aunt, her uncle and her cousin Albus. Hugo, James and Lily had disappeared with their friends a few minutes after they arrived. She was trying very hard not to look over her shoulder. The Malfoy family was there. She had glimpsed two tall figures with silver-blond hair a few minutes before and it had been enough to awake her anxiety. She had turned away before he could notice her. At least she hoped so.

Her parents were chatting enthusiastically with Aunt Ginny and Uncle Harry. Rose was only half-listening to them. _"There's nothing to fear._ "

"Is everything all right, Rose?" a voice asked.

She distractedly turned her head to Albus. Her cousin was looking at her with curiosity.

"Yes. Why that?"

The boy flashed her an amused smile.

"Because you've been staring into space for a moment now. It's quite fascinating, I must say, but my philanthropic tendencies demand I check you're okay."

Rose rolled her eyes but she smiled anyway.

"You'll tell your _philanthropic tendencies_ I'm perfectly alright."

"They'll be glad to hear it. Though I'm not sure they'll be completely convinced."

The girl shrugged. "I've nothing else to say. They'll have to deal with it."

A curious smile spread across Albus' face. She _hated_ that smile. It always meant he knew something that wouldn't please her.

"Stop this." she muttered.

Her cousin's smile widened.

"Stop what?"

A sarcastic answer died on her lips as a piercing whistling resonated under the brick vault of the station. Rose checked the clock on the wall. Almost eleven. It was time to go.

She hugged her parents, said goodbye to her aunt and to her uncle and made her way through the scramble with her trunk and the cage of her owl. Albus had preceded her and she could only catch a glimpse of his untidy jet-black hair. She managed to get on the train. But somehow her trunk got stuck in the door. She swore under her breath, pulling the handle. A rumble of discontent grew from the platform.

Suddenly the trunk was unblocked and Rose lost her balance. She gasped. Two arms caught her just in time to spare her an embarrassing situation. She looked up. Albus was smiling, his green eyes sparkling mischievously.

"My dear clumsy cousin, you..."

"Shush! Help me instead of laughing at me!"

Students were crowding at the door of the wagon. And worst of all, Scorpius was the first of the queue.

Rose turned away and grab the handle of her trunk and of the cage. Then she rushed into the hallway between the rows of compartments. Her owl wasn't very thrilled by all this commotion and was hooting in displeasure.

"Rose! Here!"

The girl caught sight of Maya, waving cheerfully her hand from a compartment. With a sigh of relief, she staggered towards her friend.

"I couldn't find you on the platform." Maya greeted her. "How were your holidays?"

As they talked, they put their luggage in the racks. Two other girls joined them and they all started to chatter. The train set off in a plume of smoke. Rose looked distractedly at the c'passing platform. The train gradually gained speed and the station ended up disappearing in the distance.

Soon, the girl began to relax, surrounded by the laughter and the cheerful chattering of her friends. They talked about their holidays, the presents they had received, the probability of their Transfiguration teacher testing them the next day or the last gossips of the magic world. The witch with the tea trolley came. Rose bought sweets, whatever her mother or her grand-parents said about teeth and caries. She liked Pumpkin Pastries too much. And so the journey flew by in a joyous and relaxed atmosphere.

Eventually the girl left the compartment for the lavatories.

She was going out, drying her hands on her jeans when she bumped into someone. She rolled her eyes at her own clumsiness. Then she realised she had come across Scorpius. She felt a pinch in her heart.

"Hello, Rose." the boy whispered.

"Hello."

They looked at each other with embarrassment. They were so awkward it was ridiculous. Rose gathered her courage.

"I think we have to talk." she said.

"I suppose you're right."

Yet he was avoiding her gaze. The girl was no more at her ease but someone had to take charge and apparently this part had been attributed to her.

"Why did you…" she hesitated. "I mean… we are friends, aren't we?"

"We are."

"Nothing more?"

Scorpius didn't answer. He looked at her intensely and the girl felt the knot in her throat tighten.

"Did you… mean it?"

He shake his head. "No. But I acted like a coward."

Rose made a face. "I can't say I disagree."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have run away."

She lowered her eyes. He sighed.

"You must think I'm a fool." he said.

"Actually, I'm quite feeling like a fool myself." she replied. "Looks like we are well matched."

A shadowy smile flickered on Scorpius' lips. For an instant he seemed to relax and get back to his usual teasing self.

"I think we do."

"Are you serious? I mean… _serious_."

It was always hard to tell when there was this playful glint in his eyes. But she needed certitudes. She needed _evidence_.

"Am I anything but serious?"

He was teasing her but Rose sensed he was ill at ease. Somehow his voice was tensed. The girl pouted.

"Well, I wouldn't say that. You can be utterly insufferable sometimes."

"I should be offended but I always knew your cousin would have a bad influence on me."

Rose shake her head, amused despite herself.

"You can't blame Albus for everything. Though I admit he is insufferable too."

The girl was well aware they were avoiding getting to the true point of that discussion. It was easy, their usual way to solve problems. But it didn't help. And they both knew it.

Scorpius sighed, his eyes suddenly going back to their previous seriousness.

"Truth is I…" he paused, clenching his jaws. "I _like_ you. I truly do." He averted his eyes. "When I'm talking with you, I feel like I found a… a place. You understand?"

She nodded, not trusting her voice to answer.

"I didn't mean all of this to happen." he continued. "Yet it happened and I don't feel like I can ignore it. After that, things would be too..."

"Weird?" she proposed.

Scorpius nodded.

"So… Even if I'm making a fool of myself, I… I think I must be honest. With you and… with myself. Maybe we could… _try_?"

He rubbed the nape of his neck, sighing.

"We can." Rose answered with more confidence she really felt. "After all, we… aren't taking a decision that commits us for our whole lives."

The boy shot her a curious glance.

"Sounds like something my mother could say." he commented.

"Sounds like your mother would get on very well with mine." she replied.

An uncertain smile appeared on his lips.

"I suppose it wouldn't be that bad, since we are probable giving our fathers a good reason to start a war." Scorpius said with a disillusioned look in his eyes.

For the first time since they had started this conversation, Rose took a step forward, shortening the distance between them. She stopped only a few inches of him. The boy was taller than her. The top of her head hardly reached his nose. She looked up and met his eyes.

"They didn't wait us for that." she noted.

"True."

A jolt of the train made Rose falter. She bumped into Scorpius. He held her instinctively but he lost his balance at the same time and they both fell roughly on the opposite wall. The impact blew the air out of her lungs. When she recovered, she became utterly aware of Scorpius' arms clutching her, of the warmth of his body pressed against hers, of the perfume of his eau de toilette. She raised her eyes and got lost in his gaze.

They kissed. It wasn't any more premeditated than the first time but at least, they knew what it meant. They were clumsy and hasty but it was sweet. The feeling of her happiness took Rose by surprise. Scorpius hand was drawing circles on her lower back. They deepened the kiss and the girl quickly stopped to think about what she was doing.

At some point however, someone cleared his throat. Rose started and turned to the intruder. She met Albus' green eyes. He was smirking. She frowned.

"I knew there was something going on." he stated.

Scorpius mumbled under his breath. Rose's eyes turned to him, then back to her cousin.

"Your philanthropic tendencies should have told you _not_ to interfere." she said.

Albus shrugged, a playful expression on his face.

"Well, I don't _always_ listen to my philanthropic tendencies. Otherwise I wouldn't be a Slytherin."

She stuck her tongue out. Albus' smile widened. He crossed his arms over his chest. He had put his black robes on and the green and silver Slytherin crest stood out clearly on the dark fabric.

"Potter, would you be so kind to leave us alone?" Scorpius asked. "Your cousin and I are having a discussion."

"Quite a discussion indeed." Albus replied. "I leave you then. Apparently you don't need me. I was just worrying since I found out you were very long, Scorpius, but I see there is _nothing_ to worry about."

"Albus..."

"Alright, alright. I leave. Behave, children."

Rose turned to Scorpius, suppressing her smile. She had said it: her cousin was insufferable. Yet… he was her cousin. She couldn't hate him even if she had wanted to. But sometimes…

"I swear he'll regret it." Scorpius muttered.

"Too bad he's your best friend."

"Too bad he's your cousin."

"We're cursed." she concluded.

Scorpius smiled, a bright smile that lighted up his eyes. He drew her closer. Rose knotted her arms behind his neck. They were so close the girl could feel his breathing on her lips and his beating heart against her chest.

"If a malediction looks like that, I agree to be cursed until the end of my life."

"Don't be silly. Nobody would like to be cursed with my family until the end of his life."

"Looks like a challenge I'm ready to take up."

They smiled to each other and kissed again.

"I could get used to this." she whispered against his lips.

As an answer, Scorpius kissed her again and again and again. It was exhilarating. And as far as she was concerned, it was definitely worth going through all that trouble.


End file.
